Damn you for knowing exactly what I need from you.
I love you, and love you more each day. You have often times remained silent and allowed me to wonder, worry and beat myself up over loving you so very much. I don’t believe for a moment you knew this was a problem, I just believe you are a man. An old school man who keeps himself under control all the time. But…
This last few months you have been more trusting of me and this love which I hold. You have shown me your hand. I have always known, however when you show me, and tell me how you feel, it becomes so much more real. You are, to me, the most amazing human that I did not create. You are complex and simple, you are hundreds of layers deep in feelings, yet they all show on your surface. I am amazed by you. I am having the time of my life digging deep while you allow me to expose you.
And then you speak. You speak of how you feel when I tell you how I feel. And the sun breaks over the horizon and I know with my logical side as well as my emotional side that you are deeply in love with me, too. That my shortcomings are as invisible to you as yours are to me. That you, the most amazing human I know, feel the things for me that I feel for you. And all the trappings and difficulties that we face fade into the shadows.
I don’t know for sure what your beliefs are. I know that organized religion checks no boxes for you, but what are your views on fate? On reincarnation and on the idea of mission chosen in a soul state? I guess it really doesn’t actually matter, though. You believe in me, and I believe in you and we are experiencing this love together.
I have to tell you that for many years I have hoped for you to feel the love I feel for you, to accept it and assimilate it and value yourself more because of it. I see that that has occurred. Somewhere along the line i began hoping that you would begin to love me too, and that I would accept it and assimilate it and begin to value myself more for it. That too has come to pass.
Loving you was never a mistake, never a misjudgement. However it was not a choice easily made, as I fought it every step of the way. You won my love the hard way. I think however, you tried even harder than I did to avoid love. I appreciate that about you.
I see you, pulling away. Coming home must have been some sort of awakening. It’s okay. I will be here when it is through.
Never Ending Love Letter 