I heard you say those words. I did not react, I did not respond, because I know my own ability to dwell on things. I have a great ability to take any molehill and make it into a mountain, actually multiple mountains, depending on my mood.
So I have tried very hard not to think about the statement you made, the volume of feelings you must be experiencing before you would ever say such a thing, or the consequences should you really mean it.
I am here. I am here for it. Whatever way the road twists and turns, I will be your constant, as you are mine. You can cling to me or hold me at arms length, and I will stand true by your side. I have tried so hard not to overthink this. But, I certainly have held it to the light and examined it for flaws, seen every plane of it’s faceted surface, reflecting, refracting and bending the light. I am still here for it, no matter where or how the beam of light comes out the other side.
In truth, you have a home in my arms regardless of where our heads lie. We can do anything, and we will be fine, full of laughter and joy. However, I have fear, as well, that we are both crazy and this is an insane dream, one which we will wake up from saying wtf were we thinking. But then again, I convinced myself I was crazy when I suspected that you loved me, and look how that turned out.
Crazy seems like my excuse to not face our obstacles. Crazy has become my fallback and I really know better.
I am now coming to terms with reality again. You do love me as I love you. You do think of me, as I think of you. You do desire this joining, as I desire this joining. You do fantasize and worry about the joining, as I do. We shall prevail. Love shall prevail.
Whether or not I allow myself to stress about this is in my hands. I love you and should find the joy in your phrasing. I should find a way to take happiness from it. To bask in the idea that you might just realize what you are missing. You might actually reach for it.
However, I am truly in love with you and your happiness is my joy. So I have a very difficult time celebrating anything which causes you sorrow, sadness, discomfort, anything but contentment. I bring joy and mirth and love to the table, and I suppose you can see it more clearly if I am the main source, but does that mean you are unhappy in the everyday? I don’t want you dissatisfied. I want to bring you all the bliss that exists in the world and deposit it at your feet. I want the next stage in your life to be completely and utterly joyful. I know I can contribute, greatly, to that, however, I am not keen on you suffering in any way in order to achieve that.
As always, a quandary. As always I will not react. As always I will love you, and wait for the universe to shake things further.
I do love you and everything about you.
Man of all my dreams
Never Ending Love Letter 